apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
