the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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