If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
