The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
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