Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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