Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
