This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
two words...techno handjob
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
