3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
