I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
