Nicole vs. Life
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
