happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
He felt like a one man threesome
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
