...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
is this the sara with the beer cane?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
