I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
