take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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