Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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