dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
