So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
