if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
