This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I AM VODKA MAN
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
