A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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