She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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