It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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