Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Randomize
