she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
