i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
