I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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