I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
