Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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