idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
