I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
