I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
