so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize