When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
