shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
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