I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Me too!
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
