every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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