I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
