Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I want to be your penis for a week.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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