Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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