haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
