Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
