I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
