Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize