We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
