and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
