she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
