I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
