I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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