Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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