so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
