Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
