I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
