i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
