Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
