shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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