no one should ever give us hovercrafts
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
