I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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