Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
