he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Woke up backwards on a recliner
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
