I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Randomize