now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
