I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
