i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
