when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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