Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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