everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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