my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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