Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
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