I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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